Sunday, May 10, 2009

If only........

I am a staunch believer of destiny. You may disagree, but it does guide us all. We are all its slaves. there are things which you would feel you had under control, but then it just slipped away like sand in clutched palms. it happens. sometimes you just feel that "if only" factor. i am feeling it so strongly today. like never before; and i mean it. if god today grants me one wish, i would definitely ask Darshan back from him.

Darshan childhood buddy, my brother. 8 years of friendship ,and it all came crashing down in one fateful moment. i still remember promising him a call before leaving for Kota.......A call that i could never was just too late. And all i can do now is curse myself for it. i would be lying if i say i forgot to make that call. "i called him last time.let him call me this time" shocks me to death when i see how childishly i behaved. and then suddenly 2 weeks after reaching Kota i get the news that Darshan is no more! Nothing in life had shocked me ever before like that news did. i never felt so helpless, and disgusted at myself. I had just lost my 'bestest' friend. 17 is certainly not the age to pass away. but someone up there thought otherwise. i cried like never before. i sweared (at myself and god) like never before. but it was all futile. Darshan was gone. i miss him so much....till date. i am feeling lonely today and i so wish he were around. we were quite similar in every respect, but size. He was a better singer. i still remember it all so vividly........same handwriting, same philosophies, same interests and almost the same marks! i lost the habit of talking over the phone for long durations once Darshan was gone. we used to discuss all kinds of guy shit! and for people who have managed to notice my "abhi kya karega?" question as an ending to every phone conversation, you now know where is it coming from.

Really, the incident taught me a few things. Most importantly,it taught me the importance of letting a person you care for know that how much you care for him/ it your mother, father, sibling, friend or whoever for that matter. Because you don't get "that" person so easily in life, and trust me you never will, again in life. And you realize the extent of the loss only when they are gone, as in my case. So i take this opportunity to let all my friends know how important you all are to me. you guys rock and i love you all!

And Darshan, i so wish that you were around today. i am sorry for not making that call. i really am. the regret haunts me till date. miss you. Amen.