An uncensored post

I have always preferred Hindi over English. Not that i can't speak decent English, but it's just my love for the language and there's no reason for love. But when it comes to expressing passion, i believe that English has a slight edge over Hindi.

Just a random analysis made me come up with a few English words which arguably express passion or the exact emotion--most of them being invectives though! i would begin with the word "bitch". It's one of my favourites. i mean the high you get by pronouncing the word "bitch" as "bbbitchh!" is something altogether different. The word is so full of passion and each time i utter it (mostly in jest), it gives me a certain sense of achievement and then i keep looping it till i am satiated. Try it. It's kind of addictive. But don't do it insipidly (Remember- "bbbitchh"; or if you are still unclear, listen to the latter part of "emotional attyachar"-rock version).

Second in the list has to be "fuck".....sorry......."fffaakkkk!!". The best part about the word is the wide spectrum of forms it offers.As in its usage in different phrases churns out a different meaning each time. "fuck you", "fuck off","fucking good/bad", "what the fuckk!".......and the list goes on. It's amazing how the word can find a place in almost any sentence without appearing as a misfit. And the passion that oozes out of pronouncing it, if you do it the right way, is fffucckking awesome!

Moving on, the next word,rather a pair that crosses my mind is "suck it!".It's a hit among all school kids, who grew up feeding on WWE....days when we all thought that Undertaker is indeed a "dead man walking". The phrase was one of my early introductions to the world of English abuses. I still remember how long it took me as a kid to figure out the "it" part of it.And when i did, there was a certain element of disbelief as to how can someone suck "it"!! Each time i used to see Shawn Michaels enter the ring with those vigorous back and forth pelvic thrusts with crossed hands, i would be like....."yeh kya gande gande ishare kar raha hai!" .And then the next day people in the class would discuss the match and would imitate him......"Suck it!!". Even today in college the phrase invariably pops up each time there's a heated discussion on football(of which i am never a part), though most people have moved on to its Hindi version- "mooh mein le!".

There are a few more English and Hindi words that are crossing my mind right now, but i would like to restrain myself, for the fear of being reported for abuse looms overhead ;) (actually have to sleep now) But ya ,these are the words that make it to the top 3 of my list of "passionate" words. Do let me know if they have any serious competitors ;)

P.S.:This post in no way encourages people to swear, though nobody cares even if you do :)

If only........

I am a staunch believer of destiny. You may disagree, but it does guide us all. We are all its slaves. there are things which you would feel you had under control, but then it just slipped away like sand in clutched palms. it happens. sometimes you just feel that "if only" factor. i am feeling it so strongly today. like never before; and i mean it. if god today grants me one wish, i would definitely ask Darshan back from him.

Darshan ........my childhood buddy, my brother. 8 years of friendship ,and it all came crashing down in one fateful moment. i still remember promising him a call before leaving for Kota.......A call that i could never make.it was just too late. And all i can do now is curse myself for it. i would be lying if i say i forgot to make that call. "i called him last time.let him call me this time"......it shocks me to death when i see how childishly i behaved. and then suddenly 2 weeks after reaching Kota i get the news that Darshan is no more! Nothing in life had shocked me ever before like that news did. i never felt so helpless, and disgusted at myself. I had just lost my 'bestest' friend. 17 is certainly not the age to pass away. but someone up there thought otherwise. i cried like never before. i sweared (at myself and god) like never before. but it was all futile. Darshan was gone. i miss him so much....till date. i am feeling lonely today and i so wish he were around. we were quite similar in every respect, but size. He was a better singer. i still remember it all so vividly........same handwriting, same philosophies, same interests and almost the same marks! i lost the habit of talking over the phone for long durations once Darshan was gone. we used to discuss all kinds of guy shit! and for people who have managed to notice my "abhi kya karega?" question as an ending to every phone conversation, you now know where is it coming from.

Really, the incident taught me a few things. Most importantly,it taught me the importance of letting a person you care for know that how much you care for him/her......be it your mother, father, sibling, friend or whoever for that matter. Because you don't get "that" person so easily in life, and trust me you never will, again in life. And you realize the extent of the loss only when they are gone, as in my case. So i take this opportunity to let all my friends know how important you all are to me. you guys rock and i love you all!

And Darshan, i so wish that you were around today. i am sorry for not making that call. i really am. the regret haunts me till date. miss you. Amen.

A ride to remember

Party time!! it's a blog update!
Pheww!! The last one month has by far been the most tiring one in 21 years.trust me.
Tiring, because it was tiring. And testing because it tried my patience to the hilt.
Amid all this chaos and mindfuckedness, there was one incident that finally persuaded a lazy ass like me to update this space(it's not that writing is a pain;writing is fun, but typing surely is a pain :P)
It was just another wednesday(or was it thursday,or monday,tuesday,friday.........bah!!chuck).Assume it was wednesday(typical "bada" writer types *bling-bling*....."ye budhwaar ki baat hai" :P")
Oops sorry!ya so coming back to the topic.It was wednesday(:D).After a yet-another-tiring-day, i finally left for home,only to find aditya and the big man Maunil standing beside his car("pathfinder"....he calls it :P).Aditya had his activa and was about to drive back home.The prospect of a bike ride lured me and i decided to ride pillion behind Aditya.Mistake.I trusted his driving skills.big mistake.

So finally we set off! We were supposed to drive behind Maunil, but he took a different route and so we gave up the idea.We took the link road. A few jerks here and there generated a slight doubt in my mind already,but I chose to overlook all that.(Always trust your instincts .they never lie.i learned this the hard way) . ”meri gaadi ka brake humesha top condition mein rehta hai. Tension mat le.”,said Aditya…..”Gaadi”….as if it were a Lamborghini! We moved on. And here I was, witnessing some of Aditya’s “genius”. He started driving the activa throught the minutest of passages. Left and right. Vroom! All he needed was a gap of 70 cms to take his 2-wheeler through it. Taking his activa to a top speed and then braking abruptly! This was just a beginning. I tried to maintain my cool and remarked……”Aditya.abhi sirf 8:30 hue hain. Mujhe ghar ghar jaane ki kooooooi jaldi nahi hai”, hoping that the extra o’s in my “koi” would make him drive more sensibly.But it all fell on deaf ears. He replied,“arey tu tension mat le. Main drivergiri karta hoon par izzat se chalata hoon” .”ya..…right”, I said to myself. And there were further words of wisdom from him.”tujhe pata hai na main beech main activa se gir gaya tha. Bahut lagi thi. Jo insaan ek baar girta hai, vo vapas kabhi nahi girta. Isliye tension mat le”. Not sure whom he was trying to convince. Himself or me. I kept mum. All I was concerned was reaching home …..not in a dismantled condition.

And then came a driver’s delight! An open road,where he could speed up! And that was exactly what Aditya did. we were moving along the road when to my horror an Indica to our left took an abrupt right!
And bbang! Aditya lost control, but quickly tried to regain it; but not before we had rammed into a cyclewala 90 degrees sharp! The poor fellow was waiting at the divider to cross and there were vehicles flowing down the other lane in the opposite direction. The impact with the Indica was considerable, and if not for the cyclewala, we would have been in the other lane and I wouldn’t have been sitting here updating my blog!! The poor fello w(the cyclewala) fell on the road, not able to sustain the impact. We were lucky not to skid. I escaped with minor bruises. But was fairly ok. We pleaded a heartfelt sorry to the bloke on the cycle and moved on.Embarassed and scared. That was my mental status then. So was aditya; embarrassed, if not scared. Itried to remain calm, because I know it happens. Happens with the best of drivers. But it was funny to see the commuters in the bus which was passing by when the incident occurred. They were giggling. Asses.
I tried singing “masakali” for Aditya just to cheer him up. For the first time in life I had to ‘try’ to sing. I thought the accident would make him drive safely atleast now. But destiny had other plans.We found an empty lane again. He sped up again. We were driving right behind another bike….not that activa is a bike,but….….ya so we were driving behind ’a ’ bike. I had still not got over the previous impact. God knows what prompted the bikerboy to suddenly decelerate, but whatever it was, it could have so easily spelt dooms day for us. As I mentioned, we were moving right behind him and as soon as he decelerated something in me told me that this is it!!bye bye mom ,dad,sis…..and I closed my eyes. We could have so easily rammed into the bike from behind! But then again, a “genius” that aditya is ,he just managed to steer the activa away from the bike,just in the nick of time. But that still couldn’t prevent a slight impact with the bike. It could all have so easily gone wrong!! Now I was kind of scared ….very scared.but not embarrassed this time. Two near death experiences in a span of 10 mins!! “Aditya mere bhai, agar aaj tune mujhe ghar safely pahucha diya, to kal tujhe fls pilaaoonga canteen mein. Maa kasam!”, I exclaimed. This second impact was enough to make aditya curb hi ”dhoom” instincts. “yeh speed ka chaska bahut khatarnaak hota hai. Safely chalana chahiye” ,I started sounding like a self-help book. It was a calm ride after that. I finally reached where I had to, in entirety.we had a small discussion after that.he was lookin quite embarrassed, but I knew he wouldn’t give up his biker ways. I then headed back home, the thought of possible consequences still not out of the mind.

The shameless fellow still keeps asking for the FLS that i promised him. ;)

P.S.:I still wouldn't mind riding pillion behind Aditya. I believe he's good. It's just that we had a bad day :)

The bitch named "destiny"(contd.)

Everything was going well. The allotment of colleges was done.....and voila!! both of them ended up in the same college. Perfect!.... thought Vyom. After all, she was his best friend.What could be more ironical than meeting your "best" friend for the first time! But then,you can't be the master of your destiny.
The day finally arrived and they met each other in the college. But it took some time for a discussion to kick off. Talking on the phone is always easier! Soon the sessions were in full flow and vyom and Kiran would only get to meet during the break. Kiran with her enchanting nature and magnetic personality was an instant hit in the college.....equally "famous" amongst guys and girls. Vyom would now get to hear about her from everyone but she herself. He was now worried and at the same time a bit disappointed. But he chose to overlook all that. Gradually he noticed an evident change in their relationship. The phone conversations were no longer the same. The meetings which would take place once a day, would now be limited to once or twice a week. Vyom had no clue as to where Kiran would be during the break. He was slowly but surely beginning to feel irksome now.
Then one day Kiran herself broke the ice. "I am in love!" she exclaimed. Vyom was dumbstruck, but managed to retain his composure. He wanted her to continue. "I am sorry i didn't discuss this with you. But i just don't know how this happened. It all happened so fast. But it's a great feeling, I must say. He's the one for me!". Vyom finally spoke. "Well......great....emm. But we always used to discuss everything, didn't we? Nevertheless I am happy for you."Kiran had no answer. They departed after an awkward silence, with Vyom faking a smile.He didn't ask anything about the guy.Actually he didn't care. He was hurt.....but he didn't exactly know why was he feeling hurt. Maybe because he was miffed at the fact that he expected Kiran to share this with him,but she didn't. Maybe he felt he lost a friend......or maybe .........because he liked her. He was confused. Then he started blaming himself. Maybe it was all his fault. It was he who used to consider her as his best friend. Maybe he just expected too much. Soon all these thoughts started flooding out in the form of tears from his eyes.
Yes.......maybe he liked her,but never realized it. He didn't have an answer and he never will, he thought. Strange thing this destiny.......bitch!

The bitch named 'destiny'

It all began in the month of July when the rains were at their irritating best. Just like every other engineering aspirant,Vyom was a nervous wreck. After all, it was the time of admissions, and his anxiety was justified. Vyom would spend indefinite hours of the day consulting his acquaintances and gathering information about the best of Mumbai University colleges. The DTE website had become almost an indispensable part of his life lest he should lose out on any update the site had to offer. Little did he know, but he was inching closer to an experience he would never forget.....rather, wouldn't want to forget!

One night Vyom decided to breakaway from his monotonicity and entered the DTE chat room(ya guys the DTE site also has a chat room). There he found similar distressed souls discussing their fate and speculating the cut-offs.Vyom felt left out initially as he was new to the "DTE chat community". A generous soul finally responded to his "hi's" and "wassups" and that settled Vyom a bit. The person introduced himself as Karan and the two soon got talking. It was all the same the next day and Vyom met Karan online at around the same time as the previous day. On the third day, the conversation was taking its usual course when out of
nowhere Karan remarked,
"you know what vyom.......i lied to you".
"i am a girl, and not a guy".
For the first time in his life vyom felt good at being cheated. But he didn't want to make
his excitement apparent and answered
"you kidding me?? you realised that after two days of conversation??"

"no. trust me. i am a girl. actually i was the only girl to enter the chat room at that time
and i am fed up of guys asking me 'hey can we be friends?' and similar shit.soooo...."

Kiran continued in her convincing tone "just give me your number and i will buzz you right now. that should leave no room for any doubts"
vyom had every reason to believe her now. the two exchanged numbers and then Vyom willingly
subjected himself to an hour long gibberish from kiran. (i wish the female tongue had a mute button!)
This triggered the start of a series of long chats and phone conversations between the two
for the next couple of weeks or so. The two of them had got really close by now.
Vyom had created a virtual image of Kiran in his subconscious mind......a picture of someone with
Greek goddess looks and a charismatic charm about her. You can call it obsession, but
the truth was that Vyom had found his confidant in Kiran..........
(to be continued.....)

direct dil se......

आस्मान छूते सपने मेरे ,
कहते हैं मुझसे तू घबराना नही, वो है संग तेरे
देख रहा है वो koshish तेरी,
जानता है तू चाहता है जीतना ,पर ले रहा है इम्तेहान तेरा |

देखना चाहता है वो तू है फौलादी kitna
हैं तुझमे kitna दम ,
पर तू जानता है तुझमे है वो बात , नही तू किसी से कम |

तो क्या हुआ जो ठोकर लगी , सीखा है तू उन ठोकरों से भी,
हो खड़ा, कर मुकाबला ;पानी हैं manzilein कई अभी|
है माटी का पुतला तू , पर जज्बा रख फौलाद का
देख fir karishma उस्का , बेटा है तू उस भगवान् का |

Jaadu ki jhappi!!

vivas gone well and i m feeling relieved!!
all set for the written exams now!
but this is not what i m going to discuss here. something really sweet happened to me just a few days back; something which i will remember for quite some time.
we friends were at rohit's place and had "planned" to study DBMS(yawn!!)
at least the intention was there. well i don't think i need to specify what we did all afternoon (there are infinite ways of killing time). finally,as the clock struck 6 we people decided to go downstairs with this 487298kg book in our hands with the thought of studying in open air (how creative na!!)
we discussed some shit downstairs for about 10 minutes and then rohit's brother happened to manage a football and as soon as that happened i could instantly make out the outcome.
soon we found ourselves in in the nearby society where we were to play football. i opted out and decided to study and naturally the job
of guarding the books ,while the rest four(rohit, brett,maddy and amey) were busy playing, was entrusted to me. they placed the books on top of a car and rushed off to play.
soon after they left, i indulged myself in a fisticuff with the topic i was studying since morning, and yet had not been able to complete.
after a while, as i raised my head, i found an old man standing in front of me. i thought the car belonged to him and he would start ranting now "meri gaadi par ye books kisne rakhi".
but he didn't move, neither did he utter a word. he simply kept staring at me. i am rarely short of expressions, but that day i couldn't
think of a way to react. not knowing what to do, i smiled at him. he smiled back.
"are all these books yours son?" he said.
"ya"
don't know why i said yes when all the books were titled same, written by the same author and on top of that i had a copy of my own in my hand.
"pretty heavy ones!! may be that's the reason why you are so weak" he said seemingly amused.
"ya may be" i said not being able to think of a better answer.
"studying engineering?"
"ya sir."
"hmmm......which college?"
"SARDAR-PATEL-COLLEGE-OF-ENGINEERING(people don't know SPIT)" i said 'seena taan ke'.i hoped to see raised eyebrows in response, given the reputation of S.P.(outside S.P. :p)
but all he gave back was a nod.
"branch?"
"computers"
"got your exams tomorrow?"
"yes sir"
"wish u luck my boy. don't worry; you will do well" he said with a smile on his face.
"thanks"
i still don't know why all my answers were monosyllabic, given that i can get pretty garrulous at times.
we shook hands, and then........he hugged me!!
he smiled again and bid me good bye.
may be i am getting a bit senti but for a moment i did miss my grandfather.
i felt so relieved for some reason. may be the"jaadu ki jhappi" did its trick.
how often do we come across people who would volunteer to talk to unknown people and that too so affectionately.
i later narrated this incident to my friends.god knows why but they found it funny.
whatever be the case.........my faith that there is no dearth of good human beings on this earth, was reinforced.